Drowning

I don't like swimming.  I know that swimming is something fun for many.  But for some reason I always find reasons to get out of it.  I tell you this not because I conquered the pool this week.  But because lately, I've been drowning.

I feel as though I swim as hard as I can to the surface, but I just go deeper.  Like I'm being pulled under.

Vacation Bible School just ended.  It was a four week camp, lots of fun.  A blast.  I was in charge of the registrations, money, any organizational aspect.  Me.  Which I enjoyed, for the most part.  At the same time I am taking two grad school classes online.  Job searching, and receiving no after no after no.  I've been struggling with some esteem things, weight things.  There are other things, but I don't intend this to be a place where I pout and whine.

The point is, I felt overwhelmed.  Last week, I sobbed in my room.  Thursday I had an anxiety attack.

So today, I slept in after a late night, until almost eleven.  Late for me.  Then my mom asked me to accompany her to a local festival today in a nearby town.  We went, and it was lots of fun.  We walked the street, bought a few goodies.  I even bought an antique.

As we drive home, I thank my mom for inviting me.  And her reply, "You're welcome.  I thought you needed to get out.  Get fresh air.  Get away from your books."

First, I was so glad that she understood.  Second, I realized that I have taken on a lot.  Lots of things going on.  Lots of disappointments.  But there are a lot of good things too.  And I once again need to remind myself, that in the midst of the chaos, the business of my schedule, as I work through a to-do list that never ends...

I need to stop... And take time for me.  Time to recharge.  Because it's the recharging that gets you through that final lap.  That gets you to the surface.