Do-Overs

I started typing a post about my funny experience in the classroom yesterday while I was substitute teaching but found it confusing once I went back and read it. So, I decided that it was wise for me to scrap it and start over with something else.

I then found myself writing about how confusing I find CSS/HTML code to be. But didn't really like the way that was sounding either. So once again I start over.

Don't you wish life could be like that? That we could just hit "select all" or use a little tool and then simply hit the delete button. How different would my life be if I could delete what I didn't like. If I could change it. Much like the show "Being Erica." [If you're not familiar the basic plot is that a woman has a 'therapist' who allows her to go back in time to events/times that she regrets. She essentially gets a do-over.] There are several things that I would redo. A conversation I would have. One I wouldn't. Somewhere I would go. A yes instead of a no. Action instead of passivity.

But if we could redo things, what would we learn. I am 22 and have not been on a date. While I am not complaining I am not cheering either. When I was a freshman in college a friend had given her cousin my screen name and he and I talked all the time. I lost a couple close relatives and it was him that I turned to when I didn't know who else to talk to. I found out that he was planning on driving to my school to take me out to dinner. A 2+ hour drive for a girl he had never met. We had never really talked about meeting. A third friend keyed me in to the plan. I told her I wasn't sure I was comfortable with that idea. I would much rather meet him with other people. And I didn't want him driving all that way for dinner and then turning around and driving back.

Well. Needless to say, word got back to him. We virtually stopped talking. Every few months we would have a 5 minute aim conversation. The basics. How are you? How are classes? Then I found out that he was headed to Iraq. I was instantly concerned. Who wouldn't be? And then the regret came back full force. I realized how different our paths were becoming. I missed my chance. He is stateside again. We haven't spoken in months. And I still wonder what would have happened had I said yes, instead of I don't feel comfortable with this idea.

Had I said yes would it have been a disaster? Would we have dated? Would we still be together? But then again, looking back had I said yes would I have learned that sometimes it's in those moments when we step out of our comfort zone that we find happiness? I guess I will never know what would have happened.

What if? Those two words can cause so much trouble, don't you think?

Remember the Sunset.